Company.

Yesterday and today I’ve been in a sort of “down” mood.  They happen now and then. I felt myself start slipping late last week…depression and anxiety suck.  On the bright side, it’s never as bad as it used to be and I’ve gotten much better about recognizing that it’s happening.  Time to take care of myself, take some naps, let my family help out…try to remember that I’m not being lazy.

Yesterday, I was trying to write a post here and just couldn’t do it.  The words just weren’t there.  My husband caught me crying on the keyboard and asked what was wrong.  Such a brave man…after 35 years, he recognizes that’s a potentially dangerous question that still needs to be asked.

I tried to explain that I just get tired of being “this” person.  The one who can’t think straight, who can’t do normal everyday stuff, who just wants to cry and stay in the house and not deal with people.  I hate this depressed and anxious me.

Why can’t I always be the outgoing, creative, articulate, organized me.  I like her.

He simply stated that they were the same person…me…and perhaps they should learn how to hold hands with each other.

A simple enough statement on the surface, but there is a lot of wisdom within it.  They are both me.  (I know the pronouns are getting all mixed up – doing the best I can!)

I need to be kinder to myself…in all my moods:  up and down.

On a positive note – I was finishing up a project today.  The creative part was done and I was just doing the tedious, finish up detail work.  I looked over to the side of my table and realized that I had company.  A praying mantis was watching over me.  They don’t startle me anymore.  We had a lot of them hatch on the deck just outside our back door.  By a lot, I mean A LOT!  My son counted 23 one evening.  They are sort of hanging around in the house.  We don’t have a mosquito problem anymore.

We watched each other for a bit.  They are really fascinating.  His “tail” is a beautiful antique copper color.  I wish I had a camera so that I could get a better shot.  I’ve named him (or her?) “Amigo”, Spanish for friend.

He cheered me up.  Good company – no conversation required.

photo (62)photo (58)

 

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2 thoughts on “Company.

  1. Wise words from your husband, Kelly. It sounds as though you are doing fine…you’ve learned how to see it coming and know how to arrange life accordingly. That acceptance and self-care is what makes it not as bad as it used to be, I’ll wager. At least, that is how it is for me. I hate depression. But I know that it is a part of me, and I CAN work around it.

    I’m sorry you’ve been feeling low. Know that you’re not alone in that. I LOVE your little friend! (We rarely get mantises) I find that God often brings me some little wonder of His creation when I’m down. I like to think it’s a reminder of the beauty of life, sent to cheer me. Grace and peace to you. I hope you feel better soon!

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