When I woke up today, I already felt anxious. I felt like I was behind and could never catch up. I looked at my list and knew that it wasn’t enough. Those tasks alone would be insufficient to make any progress.
I thought about adding more things to the list. I thought about pitching the list entirely. Maybe the list was just a stupid idea.
Then the computer started acting up. Slow, sluggish, and programs that won’t open. Our internet has been weird since all the rain started anyway. Simple tasks that I need to do were taking forever.
Then the dog started barking like crazy in the back portion of our land – the out of the dog yard part – the extremely overgrown and untended part.
I went out on the deck and found myself staring down a large doe. Weird. Deer aren’t known for participating in staring contests. They run. That’s just the way deer are. Unless…
Here comes Matilda, running at the deer in full Basset hound fury. She barks and runs between the deer’s legs – and goes flying through the air as the deer kicks her.
Deer don’t stand their ground unless there is a fawn involved. A fawn that is carefully hidden in the yard somewhere and is being threatened by something. Something like this (she looked a little scarier in attack mode, really!)
A full-blown battle ensues because bassets are stubborn, if nothing else.
My son runs barefoot through the cactus, mesquite and overgrowth to save the dog.
And what had been an anxious day, is now a full-blown adrenalin rush day for me.
Do I plow on through the day? Push through the anxiety and keep going. At this point in an anxiety attack (for me), the tears are at the surface or already flowing. I feel emotion-full. In reality, anything can set me off. Thoughts are running at a million miles-per-hour through my brain.
It only makes sense to take a break…a nap. Some Sabbath time. A quiet respite.
But, that’s hard for me to do. To admit that I’m not stronger than this problem – this actual, medical condition. I don’t want to admit that it is stronger than me. I don’t want to give in and surrender to it.
Retreat or stand my ground against an opponent that is bigger and stronger than me?
I took a nap. A really long nap (with the dog). My body and mind needed that break – some recovery and healing time.
Now, I’m going to tackle the list. It’s not a stupid idea as I thought earlier. What a difference a nap makes.
Oh, and this is what you see if you look out our back door. Just standing there and staring.