I went to Wal-Mart today with my sister.  I had a list of things I needed – things I really needed like laundry detergent.

It’s Mother’s Day (so therefore, I deserve a gift, right?)

I saw this pillow.  I was drawn to this pillow – the color and the textures.  Without thinking, I put this pillow in my cart.

And then froze.  And spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this pillow and it’s place in my life.  More time than I am comfortable with.  Here’s a few of those thoughts:

• I want it
• it would look great in my new colorful living room
• I have throw pillow covers from Ikea that I loved when I bought them unpacked in a box waiting for the right spot to be used
• it will probably end up on the floor with dog hair on it
• it’s really pretty
• it’s made in China and I don’t know the conditions it was manufactured in
• it’s probably made of re-purposed fabrics
• since it’s made in China, it’s probably a ripped-off copy of something hand-crafted that is too expensive for me to afford
• it’s affordable (less than $16)
• it’s probably a ripped-off copy of someone’s original idea
• I could use that $16 to make an additional payment on a debt
• still really like the pillow and want it
• it’s not crafted all that well
• sigh, deep sigh

I took the pillow out of my cart.  I also took out the $15 worth of craft paper that I just know I could make something really great out of.  My studio is still pretty much packed up and I don’t have a purpose for it right now.  It would go into the “potential use” pile  and I have plenty of that kind of stuff already.

To be honest, my sister then took me to Michael’s and I bought two items that will provide me with hours of crafting/art enjoyment using supplies that I already have (one on clearance that I’ve been watching for a while and the other using a 40% off coupon).  Less expensive than the pillow and paper.

Not a total win, but in the end I’ll have something homemade to decorate my home with rather than a mass-produced pillow that I really don’t need.  I’ll have had the fun of making something and that makes me happy.

Happier than picking up a throw pillow off of the floor and wondering why I even bought it 6 months from now.

Shopping used to be thoughtless and “fun” – until the bills came due.  Now it’s rather like hard work.

Progress!