Where have I been the last couple of days? Basically, having a really hard week on the decluttering front that has resulted in a big breakthrough! I’ve felt like I hit a wall on making progress in my home. I’ve had doubts that the stuff was the real problem – is stuff causing the stress or is stress causing the stuff? Am I making any progress or is dealing with the stuff a diversion to avoid real problems. Just a lot of doubt.
On the advice of a friend, I’ve been kinder to myself and just boxed up some stuff that I can’t deal with right now. I didn’t want to use that route for everything though. I’ve been dealing with ten items at a time – pick it up and make a decision – it either goes or if it stays it finds a permanent home. Then I’ve taken breaks. Lots of breaks and lots of decisions!
All this went to the thrift store today. Storage “solutions” that didn’t work or weren’t needed anymore and lots of random stuff that just isn’t needed.
Usually, when the stuff has hit the box, I’ve wondered why I even kept it at all. This time, I realized that if I saw some of this stuff at the thrift store, I might consider purchasing it. I’m letting go of stuff that I actually like and that I still see potential in. I’m letting it go anyway. I feel like that is a big step.
Yesterday, while “supervising” me (keeping me on task), my oldest daughter asked a question out of the blue…
“Mom, did you ever feel like you had a home growing up?”
I didn’t answer.
She continued on…
“Is that why you work so hard to make a home and worry so much about it?”
Talk about a real therapy moment – if you’ve ever spent any time with a therapist you know what I’m talking about. You spend 45 minutes talking about a subject aimlessly and the therapist sums it up for you in one sentence.
The answer would be that no, I don’t suppose that I ever really felt comfortable, secure and safe in any of the places that I lived growing up. I knew that none of it was permanent – we moved every year. My parents had a challenging relationship. I didn’t have close friends and we weren’t close to any family.
The point of the journey that I’ve been partially documenting and sharing here, is to find some simplicity, peace, and intentionality in my life.
I’d have to say that I’ve logged a lot of steps in my journey this week. I’ve gained understanding, been reminded to be kinder to myself, and shed a lot of guilt and possessions.
Just as in life, the hardest parts of the journey result in the best views.