I took a shower today. I woke up this morning and realized that I couldn’t actually remember the last one I took. To be honest, days around here are a bit confused anyway. Too much T.V. and morphine (my sister, not me). I’m thinking about getting one of those little whiteboards like they use in the hospital…Today is Saturday, August 27, 2016.
Anyway, I took a shower. Please don’t judge. Some days we have to grab the small wins and run with them…
Now, I’m thinking about doors. This was prompted by a Caring Bridge post by a friend with stage IV colon cancer. She just found out that she wasn’t accepted into a drug trial that she was hoping for. “No further information. Just a closed door”, she wrote.
I’m thinking about the slammed, closed and locked doors that I’ve faced in my past. About the disbelief, grief and pain those door have caused. The teen-age crush that didn’t work out. The job that I didn’t get. The phone call that never came. The dream that wasn’t realized.
I’m wondering how many times I accepted that unopened door as a permanent “no”. The times I didn’t go looking for a different door. A different way to access that dream.
And, I’m pondering the times I did look for an alternative route and a different portal. Or sometimes the opportunities that I didn’t actively seek, but that presented themselves with time and patience. The man I married, a different job…
Looking back, some of those closed doors were a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t have believed it at the time, but now it’s evident. The teen-age crush that was based more on looks than compatibility. The job that would have involved moving to another location and would have prevented me from being available for my sister now.
But doors that don’t open hurt when you run into them. Sometimes, in hindsight, it may turn out to be for the best. And sometimes, it may turn out that they were just stupid, closed doors that you couldn’t get through. You may never know the difference.
Still, there is hope in believing that there are many doors in life, and most of them can be opened – with time, patience and discernment.
Today I will be in continued thought and prayer for those dealing with doorways…
Those standing at locked doors and looking for the next one.
Those hurt from the slamming of the door.
Those facing a door that is slowing closing and limiting their access both literally and figuratively.
Those locked behind a door wanting out but afraid and unsure of the next step.
Those who don’t have any doors available to them at all.
Those who can’t see the door because they don’t know where to look or are choosing not to.
And those standing in front of the door, but who are afraid to knock.