today’s post will be brought to you in lower-case letters…not to offend the grammatically correct or because i am too tired to use the shift key, but because i feel very quiet today…as if life should be done in a whisper. and so it shall be.
since the first of august last year, lots of stuff has been happening. intense stuff. life threatening and life changing stuff.
my three adult children have been doing some serious “adulting” and, as their mom i have been cheering, crying, hoping, fearing and mostly watching. no matter how old they get, they are always and forever the small lives that were entrusted to me so many years ago.
there was the wedding to plan
and classes to teach
and medical issues to deal with
and a sister to support
and a marriage to sustain
decisions to make
hugs to be given
advice to be offered
words not to be said
and a cluttered house to battle
and now life has slowed enough that i am realizing all that has been happening and i feel overwhelmed.
i am going to live in the moments for a bit and feel all the emotions that the last few months have served up.
i was too busy for a while and just kept going…not really paying enough attention to it all.
life has slowed
but not stopped.
there is still a major life decision looming…but it is not mine to make. i am not in control of it. it is hard to know that something is the right thing for someone to do but to want to hold on and stop it at the same time. the unknown is scary. don’t run out into the street, don’t touch the stove, don’t talk to strangers, do your homework, make good choices…don’t grow up.
at the wedding when my youngest was standing up as one of her sister’s bridesmaids, i suddenly realized that she, too, is grown up.
a young lady
no longer a child.
how did the time pass so quickly when at times i thought it would never end?
did i do what i needed to do?
are they ready?
are they going to be safe
my heart is so full
and awe at who they are and are becoming…
and of fear for what they are facing
and will face
and i just want them to be little again
but they need to fly out there
and use their talents and gifts and dreams
to change the world
they certainly changed me
and my heart goes with them