today’s post will be brought to you in lower-case letters…not to offend the grammatically correct or because i am too tired to use the shift key, but because i feel very quiet today…as if life should be done in a whisper.  and so it shall be.

since the first of august last year, lots of stuff has been happening.  intense stuff.  life threatening and life changing stuff.

my three adult children have been doing some serious “adulting” and, as their mom i have been cheering, crying, hoping, fearing and mostly watching.  no matter how old they get, they are always and forever the small lives that were entrusted to me so many years ago.

there was the wedding to plan

and classes to teach

and medical issues to deal with

and a sister to support

and a marriage to sustain

decisions to make

hugs to be given

advice to be offered

words not to be said

and a cluttered house to battle

and now life has slowed enough that i am realizing all that has been happening and i feel overwhelmed.

i am going to live in the moments for a bit and feel all the emotions that the last few months have served up.

i was too busy for a while and just kept going…not really paying enough attention to it all.

life has slowed

but not stopped.

there is still a major life decision looming…but it is not mine to make.  i am not in control of it.  it is hard to know that something is the right thing for someone to do but to want to hold on and stop it at the same time.  the unknown is scary.  don’t run out into the street, don’t touch the stove, don’t talk to strangers, do your homework, make good choices…don’t grow up.

fly away…

be happy.

be brave.

be safe.

at the wedding when my youngest was standing up as one of her sister’s bridesmaids, i suddenly realized that she, too, is grown up.

a young lady

no longer a child.

how did the time pass so quickly when at times i thought it would never end?

did i do what i needed to do?

are they ready?

are they going to be safe

and happy?

my heart is so full

of pride

and awe at who they are and are becoming…

and of fear for what they are facing

and will face

and i just want them to be little again

but they need to fly out there

and use their talents and gifts and dreams

to change the world

they certainly changed me

and my heart goes with them

i

 

 

hope