Once again, so much time has passed. The thought of trying to chronicle the events of the past days is overwhelming and so, I don’t believe I’ll try.
I shall start writing and we will let the important stuff reveal itself…in it’s own time.
I do know for certain that the past days have been shadowed by a rather high level of continuous anxiety. That is most certainly not helpful. I have been consciously trying to deal with it by travelling along back roads and unbeaten paths metaphorically speaking. I’ve avoided social media, the news and anything else that could be potentially unsettling as much as possible.
I’ve tried to shed unneeded baggage for this portion of my travels…a full car load of superfluous belongings to the thrift store and another box almost full in the hallway. We’ve streamlined our school plans and made them more efficient and applicable to our lifestyle and my daughter’s learning style. The housekeeping chores are limited to what has to be done and not what “should” be done.
Basically, I’m trying to live more realistically and become comfortable with what works for us rather than what I believe the world expects.
This is a work in progress. Trying to figure out what our new normal will be. All of this is good stuff. Steps towards the life I’ve claimed to want for so long…accelerated with a sense of urgency due to circumstances beyond my control.
It seems that losing control…or the illusion of control can have it’s good points. The silver lining, so to speak.
And what has brought all of this anxiety and goal evaluation on?
Some of it you know about…
The incurable, progressive “whatever” that I have. Not multiple sclerosis, which is good news, but something. My doctor’s appointment is on the 18th. I wait until then and try not to worry or anticipate, but to be patient.
Until then, I’m working my extra job at Sherwood Forest Faire and enjoying the company of some really fantastic individuals who bring me joy and lots of “food for thought”. Definitely good traveling companions for this life’s journey. Still, it’s fairly obvious that this very physical job is more difficult for me this year than last. That makes me sad and worry about what the future holds.
The bills for the medical procedures and appointments are coming in. Our insurance is good, but doesn’t cover everything. As I enter the amounts into “undebt it”, the program I’m using to track our progress in getting out of debt, I’m watching months added onto the timeline. Still, we are doing okay financially. The monthly bills are being paid.
There is something else going on that I can’t share as it is not really my story to tell. In time, that will be written about. Until then, I carry a lot of pride and fear for the individual concerned. Even good decisions can cause stress.
I’m trying to concentrate on the journey and the beauty and joy that are certainly a part of it. Trying to travel at a slower pace so as enjoy the trip more and not miss anything. There are more frequent pauses along the way. A fancy way of saying that I’m taking lots of naps.
I’m trying to be better about taking care of myself so that I can better care for those that I love.
I’m trying to travel slower and lighter and more intentional. The same as in days past, but with a greater sense of need and urgency. This is a conundrum of sorts. Urgency and need do not translate well into less stress and simplicity.
I’m trying to figure it all out.
Aren’t we all?
Journey well, my friends.
Prayers and blessings…
Visual artist playing with collage, assemblage and whatever else I imagine. Homemaker and homeschooling Mom of four children aged 10 to 24. Ready to fully embrace life and leave regret and fear behind. Each new day is an opportunity to love, create and live with intention...