I picked that quote because I have no idea what this drawing is about. It just happened and is in no way my normal thing, but I kind of like it…I imagine that more work will be done on it in the future.
And in other areas of my life – this quote fits today.
Yesterday, we went to drop off a car load of de-cluttered stuff that had been piling up in the dining room.
We visited a new thrift store set up in an old house. I naturally ended up in the kitchen where there were lots and lots of cabinets with the doors removed and painted a beautiful clean white. On display were lots and lots of beautiful dishes. It was a dangerous situation to be sure.
As I browsed and enjoyed the abundant wonders, I thought about how amazing it would be to have a kitchen that looked like that. I have a kitchen with still unpainted cabinets, half-redone walls, missing trim, a plywood floor and dirty dishes.
Then I stopped.
Nothing in that room would make my kitchen look any better. Adding more stuff would make the issue worse – no matter how beautiful the item is in its current setting.
I am blessed to have a kitchen with electricity, running water and working appliances.
The rest will come with time, effort and money. The money will come if I quit spending it on comfort purchases and attempts at quick-fixes.
Buying and acquiring stuff is an emotional response that I have developed over the years.
The clutter is a symptom that I have been attempting to deal with.
That doesn’t work out too well in the long run.
You feel better for a while, but you’ve only treated the symptom. The cause is still there and inevitably the symptoms will return.
I believe that I clutter to try and protect myself from the difficulties and traumas of my childhood.
A scared little girl wanted to buy the pretty dishes in an attempt to make everything better.
I am not that little girl any longer although she does live within me.
I think I am finally reaching a place where I am realizing that I need to become the adult who heals the scared child within me. She doesn’t need more stuff. She needs to feel protected.
I need to address the problem and not just the symptoms.
I can’t keep ignoring the fear and trying to live as if its not there.
The fear is just as real as the clutter that I try to bury it under.
This is feeling a bit like an overshare, but I know that I’m not the only one living with either the fear…or the clutter.
There is another empty box waiting in the dining room.
What will I find to put into it today…
And what will discarding it reveal?