attention

The Importance of Being Intentional

| Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

I am weary today.  My head feels full and my heart, not so much.  I have accomplished what needs to be done today and a little bit more.

Youngest and I went to the grocery store and shopped the special deals, sales, and coupons.  We are having a crowd for Thanksgiving and I am trying to spread out the shopping so it comes from multiple paychecks.  Shopping only for our Thanksgiving meal, we spent $70.35 for 46 items.  We saved $45.80.  I’m going to count that as school for the day.  We’ll call it consumer science or home management, or “how to save a crap-ton of money and host an awesome Thanksgiving celebration without breaking the bank”.

I cleaned out the pantry and ditched the expired items and unhealthy food that creeps in somehow despite my best intentions to be careful about what we eat.

I tried on a bunch of clothes this morning in an effort to get dressed to go out in public.  I definitely have public clothes and home clothes – home involves art, painting, cleaning the chicken coop, and various other aspects of real life.  Home clothes don’t last very long.  I felt fat, nothing seemed to fit right, and I was just generally unhappy.  When I got home, I realized that all of those clothes ended up in a pile that the dogs knocked to the floor and made a comfy bed out of.  More laundry and more clutter. I guess it’s time to once again go through the wardrobe and get rid of the “if” clothes…if I were thinner, if I wasn’t walking around in a 50 year old body that birthed 4 kids, if I actually wore something that needed to be dry-cleaned, ironed or hand-washed…

When I lost a lot of weight, clothes shopping was hard.  I had worn “fat” clothes (oversize T-shirts, sweats, baggy jeans or anything else that helped me hide and ignore my weight) for so long that I didn’t know who I was – what I wanted to look like.  I did almost all my shopping at thrift stores so I could accommodate my changing size and try out different styles.  That means there’s stuff in my closet that just isn’t me.  Time for it to go.

But first, I’m going to pay attention to me.  I’m not going to underestimate or under-value the importance of taking care of myself – of noticing the symptoms that mean I’m overdoing it or pushing myself too hard. I’m going to intentionally rest and recharge.  I’m going to sit, make some art,  and watch a cozy British mystery on the telly.  Youngest is going to snuggle with me and read while wrapped up in a blanket.  We may fall asleep.  It’s that type of day.  My thoughts can settle.  My heart can fill with love.  All shall be well.

Declutter for the day:

  1. A small trash bag from the pantry.  Out-of-date food, junk food, empty containers from opened foods that were combined and miscellaneous trash.  Donated, trashed and recycled.
  2. A vintage dish that could be cool to organize and store something in, but it’s empty and I’m not going to refill it.  Donate.
  3. Coat hangers from past declutters.  All the laundry is caught up and they are still empty.  Donate.
  4. A large wire spool that we have used as a table on the deck – falling apart but still hanging around.  On the burn pile.
  5. And to be done:  clothes from my closet.  I promise I’ll do it today so we’ll count it now.
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Let’s Write Something Different

| Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

I had finished writing today’s blog post and was just about to hit “publish” when something stopped me – you know – that little voice in your head that whispers “this isn’t what you’re supposed to be doing”.

I read over what I had written and it sounded okay.  Not exciting and nothing out of the ordinary, but I live a fairly unexciting and ordinary life, so….

What was the problem?

I read it over again and still didn’t know what was bothering me, so…

I took a deep breath and erased it all.  I didn’t save it just in case.  Just gone.

And now I’m typing on these keys and waiting to see what gets written.

Still waiting.

Aha.  “I took a deep breath and erased it all.  I didn’t save it just in case.  Just gone.”

I don’t think I’ve been very honest with myself lately.  I’ve been talking (and writing) the talk lately, but haven’t really been walking the walk.

I’ve let things slide.  Maybe that was a good thing to take a break…rest is good.

I’m not making much progress on the house. I’ve de-cluttered a few things here and a few things there, but not really with any plan or goal.  It’s steps in the right direction, but not very focused.  We’ve lived here for almost ten years.  I’m not the same person I was and we’re not the same family we were.  I’d like to re-do some things and repair a lot of things.  Finances are an issue and a hindrance, but there are things I can do now.  I’m going to develop and write down a plan that will facilitate the “new” home I want.  We can’t (and I don’t want to) move, but it can be a complete transformation.  I’m going to envision the way I’d like things to be and eliminate what doesn’t fit the dream.  Each room can have new paint and a new fresh look to fit in with the new life we are making.  I can’t repair and paint now, but I can choose what stays and what goes and prepare for the rest.

I haven’t been eating as well as I was.  After my surgery, I completely changed my diet:  veggies, fruit, whole grain, less carbs, no junk.  After the blood sugar scare, I cut out sugar as much as possible.  Then it was a few chips, a bite of dessert, just a little of this and a bit of that.  I kept saying it was just today and that tomorrow I would get back with the program.  Yea, right (sarcasm).  Today, I’m clearing out the junk that has crept back in.  I don’t need it – none of us need it.  And to keep it honest – as I am typing this, I am eating cereal that is healthy – so healthy that I’m fairly certain that my chickens would enjoy it more than I am!  Just sayin’.

I’ve also quit exercising enough – I was busy, the kids were visiting, it was hot – tomorrow I’ll walk…

And making stuff…art.  That’s fallen by the wayside as well.  Until yesterday, when I was so down that I turned to it out of desperation.  It shouldn’t be a last resort sort of thing.  It’s an important part of who I am and I need to make stuff – a lot, not just “when there’s time”.

It’s time to take a deep breath and do what needs to be done.

Living with intention requires…intention.  And attention.  I’ve spent enough time just drifting along and I have committed to living my life.

  • Time to draw up a plan for our “new” home that fits our needs and wants.
  • Time to eat healthy, exercise and maybe lose a few more pounds.
  • Time to create.

Now to get back to work (and fun).  Break time is over.

The Home Sweet Home List

| Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

I think I have blindly and accidently stumbled upon something brilliant.  Last week, I made a list.  A list of things to do. Note to reader:  I realize that list-making is not a new concept and that I did not personally discover “the list”. I was hoping it would help me focus on specific things that needed to be done AND help me stop before I lost focus and became discouraged.   I wrote down numbers 1 – 20.  Why twenty?  It seemed like enough tasks to make some progress and challenge myself a bit, but not too many to accomplish. I didn’t get everything done on the list.  And I forgave myself.  I just “rolled over” the undone tasks to the next day. The items were very specific.  I didn’t write “clean the kitchen”, for example.  I picked the most urgent tasks.  Wash the dishes (so we actually had some clean ones) and sweep the floor.  Once those were done, the kitchen was somewhat presentable and I was able to move on to another area. The idea is to deal with the worst of the situation and end up with a reasonably lived-in home that is not overwhelming and discouraging.  Spending all my energy and time on one room results in one clean room, but I’m eventually going to have to leave that room and come face-to-face with the rest. I’m not going to write down “finish the laundry” because the laundry is never finished (unless we all walk around naked for a day).  I’m going to do a load of laundry a day or two if there’s a lot. I’m not writing down “weed the garden” because that’s not doable.  I’m going to weed for 15 minutes. Small wins…the satisfaction of crossing something off the list. And when the day is over and it’s time to rest, I can do so knowing that I’ve taken steps in the right direction.  Progress. To celebrate that – and to ensure that there is creativity in even the hardest days – I’m going to paint over the day’s list and do a quick journal page.  Nothing fancy.  Just a symbolic gesture.  That day is over and done.  It can’t and shouldn’t be re-lived.  Let it go and move on. IMAG0715 I’m three days in on the list-making.  It may not be a forever thing.  All I know is that it’s working for me right now. It was an awesome weekend.  Lots of family, friends and accomplishments.  Oh, and LOTS of rain.  Did I mention that it rained this weekend?  It’s raining now.  I’m not complaining (much).  We’ve been in a drought.  I would imagine that it’s over. It’s part of who I am to start worrying when things are going well.  When is the other shoe going to drop?  This happiness can’t last.   Something is going to go wrong. What a horrible way to live. Missing out on the good because of worry about the bad. I’m going to work on changing that.  It may be an actual item on the list today! Good things will happen.  Bad things will happen.  That’s just the way it is.   One doesn’t cancel the other out.   It’s a matter of perspective. In reality, my problems are still with me.  The financial issues aren’t resolved…and a thousand other things.  I’ve just changed my focus and moved the good stuff into the forefront.   Perspective.  It all needs my attention, but in equal measure. There is that balance thing again I am a work in progress – with a list.