Mother Earth News Fair

Today, we are off on an adventure.

We are road-tripping to Belton, Texas for the Mother Earth News Fair!

I am super excited that is so close (close is relative in Texas).

It almost seems epiphanous in light of the changes I am working on: zero-waste, a vegetable garden, healthier eating, a more minimalist lifestyle…

…trying to be more comfortable with who I am and working to worry less about what others think and more about being true to what I believe

Plus, a road trip!

But no junk food.

That’ll be a challenge.

Challenge is good…

Peace.

The Sky is Not Falling

Two days fraught with anxiety brought on by my own lack of mindfulness. No journal pages and no progress on the house.  Loss of sleep and busywork that has little to show for it.

Nobody to blame but myself, but mistakes happen and it’s okay when they do.  I just need to learn (or relearn) from it and move on in a more intentional way.

I need to remember that my anxiety is a living entity that can be controlled, but never eradicated.

And one of the symptoms of my anxiety is that I tend to take personal responsibility for everything.  Then the depression hits because I can’t do enough.

In a group situation where a problem is brought up, I think it must be me.

Someone says they need to talk to me about something, I wonder what I’ve done wrong.

Something needs to be fixed, I try to figure out what I should be doing.

Sound familiar to anyone else out there?

The specific situation that triggered my anxiety this time?

The border crisis, of course.

I have a lot of friends who are social activists. I have conservative friends and liberal friends.  I have friends who rant and rave, and friends who quietly go about making the world a better place (I have to say that I like them best).  I do believe that it takes all of us working together to get things done.  but it doesn’t seem like we are doing a very good job of that right now.

This post isn’t really about what’s happening in the world right now.  I’m aware of what’s going on in the world.

But the sky is not falling.

Bad stuff is happening.

And worse stuff than that.

That’s not new.

Good stuff is happening also.

That’s not news.  It doesn’t sell or raise ratings.

My anxiety prevents me from taking responsibility for the world.

I can live with that.

In fact, it’s the only way that I can live.

I’ll take my philanthropic advice from Mother Teresa…

numbers

So, I’ve blocked a lot of folks on facebook.  I’ll continue to use it to keep in touch with friends around the world, but not to be told that I don’t care about the poor children because I’m not hysterically posting hateful words (and yes, I was accused of not caring).

The news is off for now.

And I’m going to focus my attention on my actual neighbor that is in danger of losing her family’s home because life has been particularly challenging.

And I’m going to take care of myself and my family because I do care.

I care an awful lot.

 

 

Time

Monday morning here at the old homestead and it’s quiet.  Such a change from yesterday (all last week really).

Husband and oldest daughter are at work. Second daughter is back at school. Son is in his room.  Youngest daughter is at a friend’s house.

Just me, the dogs, chickens, rabbit and the kitchen.  Today is kitchen cleaning day according “The List”.

It’s actually a great relief to have the list to fall back on today.  I’m really worn out mentally and physically from all the activity and people of late.  I got up and looked around at the state my house is in and sorta freaked out.  Then I sat down at my desk and saw the list.

I don’t have to clean the whole mess up.  I just have to clean the kitchen.  The rest will wait.  I suppose that some people have brains that would logically come to that conclusion, but I don’t.  And that’s okay.

I’ve resisted the urge to WRITE IT DOWN for a long time.  I didn’t want to admit that I struggle with whatever brain oddity I struggle with.  I just want to be competent and organized and have it all together.  But I don’t and that’s okay.  I’m getting it all together…slowly.  At the end of today, I will have a clean kitchen.  YEA!

What else has been happening here, you might be asking…well, maybe not, but I’ll share anyway because you are obviously reading this…

I am reading a book.  Just for fun.  Nothing intellectual or informative or on the best seller list.  Just a book.  I used to read all the time.  Back before kids and stuff.  My daughter is in the summer reading program and I decided that I could read this summer too.  In fact, I actually wrote it on my list.

I don’t know at what point in my life I quit reading.  I guess it just got put on hold until there was time.

I’ve rediscovered the fact that we only “have time” for what is important when we “make time” for it.  It’s another one of those things we have to make a conscious decision to do.  Otherwise, the time we have just seems to drift away from us and we never get to what’s important or what we enjoy.

How many times do I catch myself saying “I’m going to………”

  • I’m going to paint the pantry that still has ugly vinyl manufactured home wallpaper
  • I’m going to paint the living room that is still beige ten years after I moved in – I HATE beige
  • I’m going to start on that giant canvas that’s been waiting a year
  • I’m going to lose weight
  • I’m going to read that book
  • I’m going to call that friend

You get the idea…

I don’t have forever to wait.  I have right now.  And maybe tomorrow.  Nothing is guaranteed.  I’m not going to quit planning on tomorrow, but I am going to quit waiting on it.

My next list is the “what I want to do list”.