NO. Just no.

Today I woke up ready to do it all.

I wanted to de-clutter the house and move all this sh!t outta here.

Then I wanted to catch up the laundry, finish packing up the winter clothes, do all the dishes, mop the floors, clean the windows…

and mow the yard and hack out the weeds and finish the flower beds and…

Photo by Gemma Evans on UnsplashNO.  Just no.

The words “bipolar” may never have been officially written down in any medical records, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t live here – in a relatively mild form, but still something that needs to be acknowledged.  The doctors have known it and I have known it.  I just spent so many years without insurance that we’ve skirted around the issue.

As past history has shown this is all probably a reaction to dealing with some hard stuff last night and being really down.

And if I give in to the mood and don’t deal with it intentionally, it could start cycling and that’s just not fun for anybody.

So instead of trying to do it all and failing miserably and being miserable and making everyone around me miserable…

This is today’s list:

  • Sort the mountain of laundry in the hall and work on it – taking care to fold or hang up everything as it finishes in the dryer.  No more piles everywhere.
  • Pick up obvious trash laying around and remove it from the house.
  • Gather all of my art card supplies that are scattered about the house and organize them in order to work on them.  This will clear numerous surfaces and help the overall appearance of the house.
  • Make some handmade paper from the plants I started drying last fall.  They are officially dry and shedding all over the studio. If it works, store the dried plants neatly away.  If not, compost them and try again another time.  I need to stop pushing art making to the bottom of the list – only to be done when everything else is finished.
  • Tidy up the paper-making station when done so as not to add more mess.
  • If I come across anything to de-clutter, add it to the box (after I put away the clean laundry that got dumped there when trying to clear the table for a family meal).
  • Remember that tomorrow is another day and don’t stress about what isn’t on this list or what is on the list and doesn’t get done.

And lastly, before I move on to other things…I found this quote while doing my morning reading and thought it quite appropriate following yesterday’s post…

Just knowing you don’t have the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn – and those are all good things. Dick Van Dyke

Peace.

Rest

Friday night I was tired.  Not really sleepy – just tired – the I don’t want to think, make a decision, or accomplish one more single thing kind of tired.

I ended up sitting on the sofa, re-re-watching a movie, eating popcorn and sharing it with my dog.  A movie where the good guys win and the bad guys lose and there is no doubt which is which.

There were things undone on my list and a million more that could be on the list, BUT…

We have accomplished so much around here lately.  Things are getting done that I had given up on doing.  The time spent together is more intentional.  All in all, life is good and better than it has been for awhile.  Not perfect, not “done”, but moving along towards a goal…a dream.  That’s all good stuff.

BUT…sitting and resting is good stuff too…and I tend to forget that.  I usually keep striving and going, thinking that I will rest when it’s done.  That’s a misstep on my part.   There are limits to my ability to “do”.  It will never all be “done”.  I am somewhat of a perfectionist after all.

If I don’t pause every now and then, there is really no sense to all the doing.  There is no appreciation of the progress and no realization of the accomplishment.  There is no joy.

So, today I will rest some.  There is a part-time job that has to be done.  But if it doesn’t have to be done today, I’m not going to do it.  I’m not going to look for projects.  I’m not going to look for things that need to be done.  I’m not even going to proof this blog.

I’m going to sit and look at what has been done and enjoy.

Rest.

The Interruptions

interruption
[ ìntə rúpshən ]
NOUN
a pause, break, or temporary halt in an ongoing activity or process
I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again…and probably again and again…
“Sometimes the interruptions are the work that needs to be done.”
You know that day (or week) when you have a plan to get it all together, and then life happens.  The unplanned for thing(s) that you couldn’t have expected, but probably should have.
Illness, injury,  a forgotten appointment, a friend in need –  you know, the next door neighbor in her 70’s whose roof got seriously damaged during a storm and another storm is on its way.
That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.  The things you need to do.  The things you want to do.  But, in the back of your mind you’re thinking:  but I have a list.  A list of things I’m going to work on today.  I’m going to do those things and cross them off and everything is going to be all better.
Except that’s not life.  It’s certainly not the life you are trying to get your life together in order to live.
I want to clear my clutter and organize my life so that life’s happenings aren’t seen as interruptions.  So that I can focus on doing what needs to be done without feeling like I don’t have time.
I want to be the person who is there for someone who needs them.  The person who isn’t half-way present.  I don’t want to feel like the work I need to do is an interruption.
Sorry for this hastily written blog.  I’ve only got a minute to jot this down, but I suspect that I’m not the only person who struggles with this.  I hope it doesn’t sound as much like a rant as I suspect it does. it’s meant to be more of a “share”.  I am frustrated – with myself mostly.
I want faster progress.  I want improvement now.  It’s been a busy week – full of life (interruptions).
Peace.

Three

Three things that I wanted to get done today other than “living in the needs of the day” (a.k.a. doing the stuff that needs to be done in order to live a relatively harmonious and chaos-free life).

1.

something/anything done on this canvas
work on this canvas a bit

2.

Put a coat of Kilz on the carpet-free living room floor
Put a coat of Kilz on the carpet-free living room floor

3.

Catch up on the laundry
Catch up on the laundry

Sigh.  Two out of three ain’t bad. The laundry will still be there tomorrow. Alas.