A Glass of Tea

Hello.

No luck falling asleep last night.

This morning started out with a sense of being behind and unable to catch up.  As a result, I know that my perceptions of my life are skewed and everything seems worse than it is or even than it was yesterday.

Being tired and anxious and tipping into depression have a way of putting a negative filter on the way I see things:

The budgeting problems couldn’t be solved with a bevy of mathematical geniuses.

I am the only homemaker in America (maybe the world) who can’t keep a clean house.

We have the worst looking yard in the neighborhood.

the dishes, the laundry, the unmade bed, the piles of paperwork to be dealt with, the recycling, the boxes of donations, the stuff to be sorted, the unmade bed, the bathrooms waiting to be cleaned, the books unread, the projects undone, the clock is ticking and I am getting nowhere…fast

STOP.

It’s time for a glass of tea and some perspective…and a talk with myself (preferably not aloud where I can add crazy to the list).

I am doing okay.

Things will be okay.

It could be worse.

There are solutions to the real problems.

Some of the problems aren’t really that big a deal.

The sun will still do it’s thing even if everything doesn’t get done so there is always tomorrow.

I can fold one load of laundry.

I can wash one sink load of dishes.

I can stack all of the paper in one place and deal with it one piece at a time.

I can clear one counter.

The lost things can be found.

And so can peace.

I can stop and have a glass of tea.

I can make the baby laugh.

I could even read a chapter of a book.

And then I can do one more thing to make our home more comfortable.

Comfortable, not perfect.

What I can’t do is everything…right now.

There.

I feel better now.

I’m glad we had this talk.

Until tomorrow…

Peace.

 

 

Enough

gratitude-quotes2

I didn’t write about food yesterday.

As you may have noticed, I didn’t write at all.   You probably didn’t actually notice because you have a life and are not sitting anxiously by your electronic device waiting for my newest missive.

I don’t feel like writing about food today and sharing with you that although I didn’t find the hidden Rice Krispies treats, a bag of vegan oatmeal cookies did find their way into my shopping cart while picking up Thanksgiving menu items yesterday.

And I ate them.

Not all of them.

Maybe half of them.

At least they were vegan so I just blew it by eating too much sugar (which I have now figured out definitely affects my mood…and not in a good way). I am grateful to have food.

Anyway, I didn’t write because it is the week of Black Friday and the folks in this family who work for actual money work in retail. I am grateful that they are employed. They are all working crazy and overlapping schedules while trying to share one car.  I am grateful for that car. It is a logistical nightmare.  We hold planning sessions  every day to figure out how to make it work.  I am grateful that we are making it work.

I can’t drive in the dark because of my eyes so all I can do is pack lunches and wash work clothes.  I am really frustrated!  I am grateful to have eyes that work well enough and food to pack in lunches and clothes to wash.

No one is getting enough sleep. I am grateful for the sleep we are getting and a warm bed and shelter.

At least we have a holiday this week so everyone can rest.

Oh wait, no we don’t.  Some have to work on Thursday afternoon.  Black Friday isn’t just for Friday anymore. I am grateful for the time we will have and friends to share a meal with.

I hate Black Friday.

I hate that we have traded a day of thanksgiving for a day of rushing to acquire more.

How much crap do we need?

Enough I say.

I am grateful for what I have and I have enough.

I won’t be shopping on Black Friday and probably not on Saturday either.

I will be at home eating my leftovers and counting my blessings.

I have enough.

 

 

Another Monday

Monday.  The first day of another working week.  A fresh start.  A new day.

Today, I am battling the effects of a couple of new medications.  All I want to do is sleep.

This could be a side effect that will eventually go away or it could be a sign that the new anti-anxiety med is working and I just need to adjust to not being in a perpetual state of anxiety.  This feeling could actually be “normal”.   Maybe I’m just relaxed.  It feels like I’m moving in slow motion.  When you’re not “normal”, it’s hard to know.  I guess time will tell.

I do know that the words are not flowing well today.  That could be the meds or it could mean that there just nothing much interesting to write about.  I am working on developing better habits though, so I think I shall write anyway. If I miss one day, it tends to lead to missing two…and then weeks have gone by.

I’m starting to realize that developing those habits and creating a routine is an important part of living an intentional life.  It’s hard to be intentional when there is no plan.  This is an obvious realization, I know…a true slap the forehead, duh moment.  Better late than never, right?  At least I finally figured it out and now I can start applying it to my life.

I’ve “played” with the idea of planning out things before.  I’ve set up cleaning schedules and errand days, and written out menus.  I’ve spent hours on developing the routines and then dedicated about the same amount of hours executing them.  They never became habits.  Just dreams that never became reality.

So, I’m rethinking habits.  And writing down some plans.  And not trying to implement them all at once.

So, today…

There is a plan for maintaining the house so it is more of a home.  Today is “living room day”.  I’m not going to try and clean the whole house and recover from the weekend.  I’m just going to clean the living room.  Then I’ll try to pick up as we go through the week.  And clean it again next Monday.

I’ve spent some time figuring out the mess that is our budget and am almost ready to start paying down the debt again.  Life got so crazy that all I could do was try and keep up with the monthly bills.  Time once again to work on being debt-free.

A huge load of donations is waiting by the door to be delivered to the thrift store tomorrow.  Much of the pile is wedding stuff.  There is a bit of household clutter mixed in. The hallway is passable again!   0227171315

Speedy the dog is not being donated!  Of the four canines, he is the good dog right now.  He just walks around wagging his tail and waiting for someone to pay attention to him.  The only time he barks is when another dog has taken the bed he believes to be his or when he has to wait in line for dinner.

Two projects are active in the studio and two more canvasses have prep coats on them waiting for inspiration.  Making a habit of spending time in the studio is a priority.

 

Just works in progress.  Not very interesting so far.  The textile project gets worked on while watching t.v. My sister comes over several evenings a week and we watch British mysteries.  The canvas is slowly coming to life.  I believe a bird is going into the little box in the lower right corner.  Maybe a window or a door.  Not sure yet.

This week.  A new week.  I’m hoping it will be slow and slightly boring…just building routines and habits.

This month has been full of “firsts”:

  • my first child getting married (which caused all of the following)
  • my first manicure
  • my first time getting my hair “done” (something more than a haircut)
  • my first time having my make-up done (I don’t even own any, not even mascara)
  • my first bra-fitting (that’s actually a funny story for another time)
  • seven trips to the mall (not my first trip, but last time I remember going was almost 9 years ago)

Yep, I think it’s a good week to have a quiet week.  Here’s hoping.

May your week also be filled with only good things!

 

 

 

Let’s Write Something Different

I had finished writing today’s blog post and was just about to hit “publish” when something stopped me – you know – that little voice in your head that whispers “this isn’t what you’re supposed to be doing”.

I read over what I had written and it sounded okay.  Not exciting and nothing out of the ordinary, but I live a fairly unexciting and ordinary life, so….

What was the problem?

I read it over again and still didn’t know what was bothering me, so…

I took a deep breath and erased it all.  I didn’t save it just in case.  Just gone.

And now I’m typing on these keys and waiting to see what gets written.

Still waiting.

Aha.  “I took a deep breath and erased it all.  I didn’t save it just in case.  Just gone.”

I don’t think I’ve been very honest with myself lately.  I’ve been talking (and writing) the talk lately, but haven’t really been walking the walk.

I’ve let things slide.  Maybe that was a good thing to take a break…rest is good.

I’m not making much progress on the house. I’ve de-cluttered a few things here and a few things there, but not really with any plan or goal.  It’s steps in the right direction, but not very focused.  We’ve lived here for almost ten years.  I’m not the same person I was and we’re not the same family we were.  I’d like to re-do some things and repair a lot of things.  Finances are an issue and a hindrance, but there are things I can do now.  I’m going to develop and write down a plan that will facilitate the “new” home I want.  We can’t (and I don’t want to) move, but it can be a complete transformation.  I’m going to envision the way I’d like things to be and eliminate what doesn’t fit the dream.  Each room can have new paint and a new fresh look to fit in with the new life we are making.  I can’t repair and paint now, but I can choose what stays and what goes and prepare for the rest.

I haven’t been eating as well as I was.  After my surgery, I completely changed my diet:  veggies, fruit, whole grain, less carbs, no junk.  After the blood sugar scare, I cut out sugar as much as possible.  Then it was a few chips, a bite of dessert, just a little of this and a bit of that.  I kept saying it was just today and that tomorrow I would get back with the program.  Yea, right (sarcasm).  Today, I’m clearing out the junk that has crept back in.  I don’t need it – none of us need it.  And to keep it honest – as I am typing this, I am eating cereal that is healthy – so healthy that I’m fairly certain that my chickens would enjoy it more than I am!  Just sayin’.

I’ve also quit exercising enough – I was busy, the kids were visiting, it was hot – tomorrow I’ll walk…

And making stuff…art.  That’s fallen by the wayside as well.  Until yesterday, when I was so down that I turned to it out of desperation.  It shouldn’t be a last resort sort of thing.  It’s an important part of who I am and I need to make stuff – a lot, not just “when there’s time”.

It’s time to take a deep breath and do what needs to be done.

Living with intention requires…intention.  And attention.  I’ve spent enough time just drifting along and I have committed to living my life.

  • Time to draw up a plan for our “new” home that fits our needs and wants.
  • Time to eat healthy, exercise and maybe lose a few more pounds.
  • Time to create.

Now to get back to work (and fun).  Break time is over.