the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad yesterday…

alexander

When I woke up yesterday, I knew it was going to be one of those days.

It wasn’t a bad day because bad stuff happened although I did have to decide what kind of health insurance to sign up for as open enrollment ended today.

It was a “maybe I do belong in a psych ward” kind of day.

It was the kind of day which reminds me that I’ve got a problem.

I can call it depression or anxiety or whatever.

When a day like yesterday happens, it’s quite evident that there is a definite physical component to these terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.

There are other reasons for it including a not great childhood and miscellaneous other “traumas”.  There’s been therapy and meds and lengthy “good” stretches and not so great times.  Stress makes it worse and there’s been an abundant supply of that lately.

There are reasons and explanations and theories and things that help and things that don’t.

Basically, these days are a part of who I am…and I don’t say that lightly.

Most days I can do a pretty good impersonation of a normal, functioning adult.  And I can convince myself that it is truly who I am.

Sometimes I actually am a normal, functioning adult.

Some days, it’s just really a struggle.

Time and life experience (a polite way of saying getting older) have shown me that I’m not alone in this.  There’s a lot of crazy out there pretending to be okay.

 

Late last night as I was sitting in the front yard, I looked up and saw the moon nestled among the stars.

And I felt tiny and small compared to what I saw above me.

But suddenly, not alone at all.

I was looking at the stars and the moon

And they were looking at me.

And this is what I finished and hung on the wall the day before.

And I thought about how it wasn’t just me…alone.  I was a part of something larger and more complicated than I could possible understand.

But occasionally there might be serendipitous reminders that I should just hang in there and wait for a better day because there is always a better day….

often a tomorrow that became a today that left me wondering what the hell had happened yesterday!

So, in conclusion I’d like to think that yesterday can serve a purpose and that something good can come of it…

If you’re ever feeling lonely and alone and like nothing really matters,

just look at the moon.

Someone, somewhere is looking right at it too.

It could be me or any of a million other people.

You are not alone in this journey.

There are other people walking the same path facing similar struggles and pretending on most days that everything is just fine.

And some days it is just fine or okay or even fantastic.

Don’t give up on the person you are becoming.

 

Serendipity

serendipity

Ah, two posts in one day.

Some things are just meant to be…

serendipity definition

I don’t usually give advice (preach) here.

It’s not that I don’t have definite ideas about how the world should work.

I just prefer to share my stories and sow some seeds.

There are plenty of other people out there shouting about what everyone else should be doing, thinking, feeling or believing.

I have trouble enough managing my own life, thank you very much.  I’ll leave the advice giving to others.

Except for the occasional moment of serendipity…like today.

Mondays are hard for me.  The weekend is over.  It’s time for a new week of accomplishment and there is always so much to do.

I’m having a sort of creative revival at the moment so there is really a lot of pressure to accomplish.

I didn’t want to miss blogging for a day because I’ve go a streak going so…

I asked my son what to write today (after sharing my thoughts about what I wanted to say).

You know that face your kid makes when he’s little and you explain to him what needs to be done?  The one that, without a word, makes it clear that you are a clueless idiot that is totally out of touch with reality?

Well, yea, they never stop making that face.

He told me to just say “hello” instead.

So I did.

Then, just a few minutes later as I was clearing space in my studio to work, I came across a note that was in pile of things to deal with later…from many years ago.

A handwritten note that was left for me to find at an art retreat I went to years ago.  It was from a guy I met and shared studio time with.

1106171055 (1)This is a gift.

A gift then and a gift now as I reread it.

Someone took the time to connect with me and say hello…that I mattered.

Serendipity.

I write a post that says “hello” and I find a handwritten note from years ago that reminds me of a time that I “connected” with someone.

Serendipity.

So, I know you are busy today with a lot of things that need to be done.

But, despite our constant “connectedness” we, as human beings, are more isolated and lonely than ever before.

Surely something on your “to do” list can wait.

Take a moment and write someone a note.

It doesn’t have to be on a beautiful hand-made card or an expensive Hallmark purchase.  You don’t have to make a special trip to the store to do this.

Grab a scrap piece of paper and tell someone hello.  Send it in the mail.

Or send an email.

Jot a note on the back of a store receipt to tell a cashier that you appreciate their effort.

Hit the like button on a blog post and write a comment.

Use your imagination and listen to your heart.

Enough people are writing words about what’s wrong with the world and what needs to be done to fix it.

Let’s write some words that are real and personal and directed to a real  human being that has somehow touched our lives.