Miscellany

Today I am giving myself permission to waste away the day in miscellaneous tasks.

Quite a few of my chairs (of the dining room and desk variety) have seen better days and I lucked into a lot of 3 sturdy and cheap replacements at the thrift store the other day.  As a result there is now a plethora of seating options laying about in my dining room.  Picture a hoarders’ assortment and you get the idea.  On most days there are four of us around the table.  On weekends and other gathering days there can be as many as twelve.  Then there is the classroom which requires two at the school table and two at my studio table.  Today I am sorting through and picking out the best in need of no repair, discarding those beyond hope, and working on those that are in between.  Glue, paint, new woven seats for the ladderbacks and we are good to go.  I think 10 is a good number.  They can move between the dining room and classroom/studio.  We’ll never need them in both places at once.  Desk chairs can fill in for a crowd.  So, a fun task – making the old look new again – or at least eclectic and fun.

Then, I’m working on the odd bits of unfinished projects that I sorted out a while back.  Finish them or let them go…that’s the plan for today.  Quite a few supplies are stacked about with each unfinished project.  This should free up the supplies to go back into their storage containers.  My desks will be freed up for new projects that are lurking in my head.  The whole cycle can start up again, BUT I’m hoping that I’ve made enough progress that I’ll stay on task better and not jump from idea to idea.  I’ve set up a tidy little space for journaling ideas so I don’t have to worry about “losing” them until I can begin work on them.

I’m also hemming some fabric from IKEA that got hung as curtains without actually ever being completed.  I don’t imagine that many others have noticed that they were unfinished, but I did every time I glanced their way.  It will be good to see a finished project instead of an incomplete one.

Lots of little (ish) tasks, but most of them fun and creative.  I imagine that quite a lot of cleaning and de-cluttering will get done along the way.  Once new chairs are in the dining room, I’ll want to clear surfaces.  Once the surfaces are clear, I’ll probably want to sweep and mop the floor…and so on and so on.

The list is pitched for the day in order to get this all done.  I’m struggling quite a bit with anxiety and the resulting sadness lately.  I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but it’s really wearing me down.  I’m hoping that completing some of these tasks and adding in the creative element will give me a sense of completion and forward progress.

I’d really just like to take a nap.

Well, hello there…

I think I’m coming back to the land of “normal”.  I also believe it and I am quite certain that thinking and believing are two different things.  So, I’m going to conclude that there is a definite improvement in my “being-ness” since both thought processes are in play.

We had a fun Fourth of July celebration at the home of old friends.  They are friends that we have known for a long time and are not necessarily old although not as young as they used to be.  It was going to be a smallish celebration, but as most good parties do, it grew and grew…  There was laughter, food, beer, tension, fireworks (mostly the actual physical kind, not the human interaction kind) and more food.

I was stressed going into it all, but by the end of the night was doing pretty well.  Time spent with folks you know and who know you can be healing.  And I did not kill any small child who threw loud noisy things to the ground behind me.  I don’t know what those explosive devices are called AND the small children will never throw them near me again, but I didn’t permanently harm any of them…I promise.

Today saw us dropping my oldest daughter off at her summer job.  She is working a Renaissance style childrens’ summer camp.  She’s the daughter with culinary school and an in-process degree in Food Service Management.  She’ll be working in an unairconditioned kitchen in July in Central Texas.  Fun times…

Did I mention we helped her convert our old trailer into a Vardo type habitat for her stay.  She decided that a tent might be too rustic for her for a month (Gee, you think?).  IMAG0865IMAG0868IMAG0875IMAG0871

She did almost all of the work herself with some manual labor assistance.  She got an air-conditioner and everything….pretty sweet.  I totally forgot to get a photo of the finished dwelling…a description will have to suffice.  Corrugated metal on the ceiling, a sari-fabric hanging light, a full mattress covered in pillows, fabric lining the walls, a desk/table with storage underneath, and a chair.  Very snug, cozy and climate controlled.  I’m almost jealous…except for the whole kitchen job thing…been there, done that.

I followed up our morning excursion with a three hour nap.  I definitely feel better.  I woke up to a quiet and empty house.  I took a moment to wander through and assess the level of untidiness.  On a scale of one to ten with ten being complete chaos, I think we’re hovering around a 13.

It’s pretty “lived-in”.  That’s okay.  We’ve done a lot of living so far this summer. I love a challenge.  I will start out tomorrow with my list in hand and start to tame the beast.

For now, I’m going to be happy to be me.

Looking forward…

This week…

  • my part-time job that takes about 10 hours a week
  • a second part-time job which has paid off our second car
  • a six hour drive to pick up my second daughter and bring her home for a long weekend
  • several shopping trips to prepare for my two oldest daughters’ upcoming trip to New Orleans with their aunt
  • a library summer reading program involving reptiles (ugh, snakes)
  • a sprained ankle
  • a trip through IKEA
  • a snowball fight
  • a sprained thumb
  • 6 A.M. start times and midnight end times for my son’s work schedule (we live 45 minutes away)
  • a graduation
  • a graduation party
  • a birthday party
  • a doctor’s appointment for my husband at 7:15 A.M. (we live over an hour away)
  • 3 optometrist appointments
  • some bad news in the mail
  • some awesomely good news in the mail
  • friends spending the night
  • loads of family
  • a minor car accident

I’m tired.  I’m happy.  We’ve gotten a lot of things off of our to-do list.  We’ve had fun.  Our whole family is together and getting along reasonably well.

I wouldn’t trade this week for anything.

I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t make it through another one.

I just have to make it through Sunday.  I’m looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.  More family, friends and who knows what!

I’m looking forward to what Monday will bring…a nap!

Retreat or Stand Your Ground?

When I woke up today, I already felt anxious.  I felt like I was behind and could never catch up.  I looked at my list and knew that it wasn’t enough.  Those tasks alone would be insufficient to make any progress.

I thought about adding more things to the list.  I thought about pitching the list entirely.  Maybe the list was just a stupid idea.

Then the computer started acting up.  Slow, sluggish, and programs that won’t open.  Our internet has been weird since all the rain started anyway.  Simple tasks that I need to do were taking forever.

Then the dog started barking like crazy in the back portion of our land – the out of the dog yard part – the extremely overgrown and untended part.

I went out on the deck and found myself staring down a large doe.  Weird.  Deer aren’t known for participating in staring contests.  They run.  That’s just the way deer are.  Unless…

Here comes Matilda, running at the deer in full Basset hound fury. She barks and runs between the deer’s legs – and goes flying through the air as the deer kicks her.

Deer don’t stand their ground unless there is a fawn involved.  A fawn that is carefully hidden in the yard somewhere and is being threatened by something.  Something like this (she looked a little scarier in attack mode, really!)IMAG0744

A full-blown battle ensues because bassets are stubborn, if nothing else.

My son runs barefoot through the cactus, mesquite and overgrowth to save the dog.

And what had been an anxious day, is now a full-blown adrenalin rush day for me.

Decision time.

Do I plow on through the day?  Push through the anxiety and keep going.  At this point in an anxiety attack (for me), the tears are at the surface or already flowing.  I feel emotion-full.  In reality, anything can set me off.  Thoughts are running at a million miles-per-hour through my brain.

It only makes sense to take a break…a nap.  Some Sabbath time.  A quiet respite.

But, that’s hard for me to do.  To admit that I’m not stronger than this problem – this actual, medical condition.  I don’t want to admit that it is stronger than me.  I don’t want to give in and surrender to it.

Retreat or stand my ground against an opponent that is bigger and stronger than me?

I took a nap.  A really long nap (with the dog).   My body and mind needed that break – some recovery and healing time.

Now, I’m going to tackle the list.  It’s not a stupid idea as I thought earlier.  What a difference a nap makes.

Oh, and this is what you see if you look out our back door.   Just standing there and staring.IMAG0735

Nap

I’m taking a nap.

Being a positive person determined to have a good day is exhausting.

Good intentions can only carry you so far.

So, I’m taking a nap…guilt-free, I’ve earned it, it’s been a week of lessons learned, and life moments…

Bless yourself and rest some today.