I’m still here. And, believe it or not, I’ve been thinking about y’all a lot although I haven’t written.
I haven’t written here that is. I’ve composed many a blog in my head, but honestly haven’t been able to summon the energy to reach out into the world and share – thoughts, feelings or stories.
I’ve identified a new truth about myself and have been spending some time in reflection as a result. After a period of challenges and stress, I have a need to pull in my borders and become a bit of a recluse. In the past, I believe that I’ve resisted the tendency to do so because it was a sign of weakness. I don’t believe that to be the case anymore.
August and September were really hard. I’ve probably mentioned that more than once…
My sister was seriously ill…it is only just the last week or so that the full effects of her illness are being identified. A lot of the issues are resolving. Some will not. We are finding a new normal.
My daughter started private school which was a big transition from a relatively unschooling lifestyle. Time was in short supply and she didn’t get all the attention and support she deserved. She coped beautifully. I am so impressed with her. We struggled to cope with assignments and deadlines and hoped it would all become a comfortable routine – in other words, normal.
Our precarious financial situation deteriorated under the demands of everything that was going on. Tempers grew short as we all became overwhelmed. We were all stretched to the limit. We all longed for our old problems, our old life…what had been normal.
It is all too evident that once life has stretched beyond tolerable limits, it doesn’t rebound back into it’s normal proportions.
Things have changed and we can’t go back.
We can; however, seek solid ground and get our feet back underneath us. And that is what we have done.
I’ve allowed myself to pull back from outside commitments and concentrated on family and myself. The news has been switched off and I trust that the world will keep on spinning. There is only so much that I can do and to attempt to do more only results in anxiety, anger, frustration and hopelessness.
Our daughter is back home and we are instigating a learning plan that fits our needs. We learned a lot about what works for us, and what doesn’t as far as education goes. This week has been very good indeed.
The budget is back on the drawing board as we reassess our goals and the reality of what we can and can’t do to improve our financial situation.
The dreams and plans that we were so excited about at the beginning of the new year last January have been brought back out into the forefront. We’re evaluating and making adjustments in light of all that has transpired.
And, most importantly, we are resting and actively seeking joy. There was very little fun and laughter in the last two months. That must change.
I am exited about having identified my need to stop and rest and recover from hard times…to heal from the damaging results of stress. Forcing myself to continue on when I’m exhausted and anxious isn’t being brave and strong. It’s a huge mistake. It makes me miserable and when I’m miserable…the whole family is miserable.
It’s important to learn from the past, let go of regrets and move on into the future.
So, for now it’s rest and laughter and family as we become comfortable in our new normal.