New Habits

August 17, 2017 | Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

I guess I was overly optimistic about keeping up with writing here. It seems that so much is going on that I’m having trouble keeping up with everything.

The moderate depression is continuing with some good days and some not-so-good. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continuing with the new plan or rather the new lifestyle…

Oh wait – I never got around to actually writing about that…

In short, I have committed to eating a whole food, plant based diet. That’s basically a vegan diet with another restriction – very limited added oil of any kind.

If you want to know more, I was first introduced to the idea by watching “Forks over Knives” which is currently on Netflix. It explains it much better than I ever could.

Why am I giving this a try you might ask?

Well, let me tell you…

When I first realized that I was having trouble with my vision and thousands of dollars later became aware that medical doctors were not going to be much help, I started by reading and researching and removed chemicals from my home…cleaning products, air fresheners, etc.

Then I started looking at the ingredients in our kitchen. We’d been eating pretty healthy off and on depending on our income and my mood. I am definitely a stress eater.

I was focused on subtracting items from our home that might be adversely affecting our health.

And that was all good stuff…as far as it went.

I never really stopped to think about what I needed to add. I’m fairly knowledgeable about nutrition. But now, I’m learning a lot more. A lot more.

I believe in the ability of our bodies to heal themselves…if given the opportunity and resources.

I have hypertension, high cholesterol and triglycerides, am obese, suffer with anxiety and depression, have vision difficulties, and have had bad blood sugar readings in the past. I take 3 medications and my blood pressure reading are rarely in the normal range…they are still high. I am tired all the time. I am not very happy.

I was not a winner in the “genetic lottery” of life. The women in my family start having strokes early and often. Hypertension starts for everyone on both sides at 30. I made it to my mid-thirties. I’ve been told that this is my lot in life. Even by a doctor once. I’m going to die from a heart attack or stroke. That’s just the way it is.

What if that’s not true?

What if this is one area of my life where I can exert some control?

What goes into my mouth is my decision. That’s been an empowering experience for me. I’m juicing spinach, kale, carrots, tomatoes, and whatever other vegetable I have on hand for breakfast along with a bowl of oatmeal or whole grain cereal. I’m eating vegetables, fruits, whole grain rice and other grains. I’m not counting calories. I’ve lost about 20 pounds.

I’m hitting at least 10,000 steps on my fitbit almost every day. At least 30 minutes is continual walking on my treadmill.

I asked my husband to watch “Forks over Knives” with me so that he would have a clue about what I was doing.

To my surprise, he volunteered to join in. He’s not “all” in. He indulges some when he’s not at home, but he’s eaten every recipe that I’ve tried out (including some stunning failures).

There’s more and I will be back tomorrow…even if it’s just to say hello.

I’ve finished my bedtime fruit and veggie smoothie and it’s off to bed – hopefully to sleep. Sleep has been somewhat elusive as of late.

Pleasant dreams dear readers…

Kummerspeck

February 1, 2017 | Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

The sharing of words from my “new to me” thrift store book purchase continues…

Today, I am dealing with the aftereffects of kummerspeck (noun, German, excessive weight gained through eating as a means of relieving stress or strong emotion).

Today, I finally feel like I have beaten back the flu, the allergies, and the virus that mimics allergies…all basically resulting in congestion, coughing, and exhaustion. I feel almost back to normal and can take a full breath without gasping for air. Air is good. Air in the lungs is even better.

Now, I can start back with my resolve to eat healthier and walk at least 10,000 steps daily.

Over a year ago, after my surgery, I went from weighing in the 230 range to 180 pounds. Since then I have slowly gained back a lot of the weight.

First, a skipped day of walking and then a junior hamburger.

Then some hot weather so a couple more skipped walks.

Then a half-price milkshake from Sonic. (Note to self: half-price does not mean half-calories)

Then a bad day (or two).

It all adds up to weighing 200 pounds again.

I am definitely a stress eater. Almost any food is comfort food for me.

Thus, the word of the day: kummerspeck.

I have too many health risks to live like this.

I have too many things that I want to accomplish to risk my life like this.

Healthier choices.

Smaller portions.

Food is fuel, not a reward.

The reward is feeling better.

It matters what I eat.

I matter.

Happiness and Balance

November 27, 2016November 27, 2016 | Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

I woke up tired today and tempted to just go back to sleep. The bed was warm and the dogs were snuggly. The house was quiet and I was alone. Nobody would know that I was being a slug.

But, the to-do list was quietly beckoning me and there are things on said list that I have been ignoring far too long.

I spent two hours in the yard working on bringing it up to the standards of my Homeowners’ Association as outlined in the letter that we received at the end of October. I disagree with their use of the adjective “tremendous” in describing the “debris” around our house, but it was their letter to write. I have been mentally composing a letter in response, but have exercised tremendous self-control. I don’t disagree that there was work to be done. We’ve been working on it.

We’ve also been working on repairs inside and going to work to pay bills and a few other small matters…like trying to get the lawn mower repaired and come up with the money for a dumpster to haul off debris from the repair and improvement projects. Basically, we’re just trying to find a balance between the expectations of others and a realistic outlay of resources with regards to money and time. Hopefully, everyone can be reasonably happy.

I’d love to devote hours and dollars to my yard and home. It does matter to me. I also want to live harmoniously and realistically with the existing wildlife around me. Part of my yard will remain “wild” and uncultivated. The critters were here first. It’s only fair that I share and cohabitate. (I am not including the party mice in this scenario).

Moving on…next on the list was a long walk with the dogs. I’ve slowly gained back a considerable amount of weight that I lost after surgery almost two years ago. I’m back at risk for a repeat of that same health problem as well as diabetes and uncontrolled hypertension. Several miles a day needs to go back on the list and remain there. I started with today. Healthier eating has to become a routine again also. The chickens are enjoying some yummy treats today. I just can’t have some things around the house. I definitely have an issue with food.

I’ve also decided that decluttering is back on the list. I thought that I’d gotten stuff under control, but it appears to be a never-ending battle for me.

As this year steadily approaches it’s end, I am thinking about the things that I wanted to change and the progress that I wanted to make.

Overall, I’m happy with my progress. It would be easy to be discouraged and note that I’m still talking about some of the same issues…my house and yard, my weight and health, an overabundance of stuff, and the challenges of finding balance…but I’m choosing to understand that most of these issues will never be fully resolved. There are certain things that will always be an issue for me.

I think that identifying them was an important step and that staying aware of my status with regards to them is the continual journey.

Steps forward, steps back, battles won and battles lost…I’ll just keep trying to make progress and most importantly, trying to be kind to myself in the process.

The grass will keep growing, the leaves will keep falling, food will still tempt me, and stuff will keep coming into the house.

I’ll mow some grass, rake a few leaves, work on making better choices and try to live more intentionally.

And be as happy as I possibly can in the process.

Peace.

Let’s Write Something Different

July 14, 2015July 14, 2015 | Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

I had finished writing today’s blog post and was just about to hit “publish” when something stopped me – you know – that little voice in your head that whispers “this isn’t what you’re supposed to be doing”.

I read over what I had written and it sounded okay. Not exciting and nothing out of the ordinary, but I live a fairly unexciting and ordinary life, so….

What was the problem?

I read it over again and still didn’t know what was bothering me, so…

I took a deep breath and erased it all. I didn’t save it just in case. Just gone.

And now I’m typing on these keys and waiting to see what gets written.

Still waiting.

Aha. “I took a deep breath and erased it all. I didn’t save it just in case. Just gone.”

I don’t think I’ve been very honest with myself lately. I’ve been talking (and writing) the talk lately, but haven’t really been walking the walk.

I’ve let things slide. Maybe that was a good thing to take a break…rest is good.

I’m not making much progress on the house. I’ve de-cluttered a few things here and a few things there, but not really with any plan or goal. It’s steps in the right direction, but not very focused. We’ve lived here for almost ten years. I’m not the same person I was and we’re not the same family we were. I’d like to re-do some things and repair a lot of things. Finances are an issue and a hindrance, but there are things I can do now. I’m going to develop and write down a plan that will facilitate the “new” home I want. We can’t (and I don’t want to) move, but it can be a complete transformation. I’m going to envision the way I’d like things to be and eliminate what doesn’t fit the dream. Each room can have new paint and a new fresh look to fit in with the new life we are making. I can’t repair and paint now, but I can choose what stays and what goes and prepare for the rest.

I haven’t been eating as well as I was. After my surgery, I completely changed my diet: veggies, fruit, whole grain, less carbs, no junk. After the blood sugar scare, I cut out sugar as much as possible. Then it was a few chips, a bite of dessert, just a little of this and a bit of that. I kept saying it was just today and that tomorrow I would get back with the program. Yea, right (sarcasm). Today, I’m clearing out the junk that has crept back in. I don’t need it – none of us need it. And to keep it honest – as I am typing this, I am eating cereal that is healthy – so healthy that I’m fairly certain that my chickens would enjoy it more than I am! Just sayin’.

I’ve also quit exercising enough – I was busy, the kids were visiting, it was hot – tomorrow I’ll walk…

And making stuff…art. That’s fallen by the wayside as well. Until yesterday, when I was so down that I turned to it out of desperation. It shouldn’t be a last resort sort of thing. It’s an important part of who I am and I need to make stuff – a lot, not just “when there’s time”.

It’s time to take a deep breath and do what needs to be done.

Living with intention requires…intention. And attention. I’ve spent enough time just drifting along and I have committed to living my life.

Time to draw up a plan for our “new” home that fits our needs and wants.
Time to eat healthy, exercise and maybe lose a few more pounds.
Time to create.

Now to get back to work (and fun). Break time is over.

If You’re Not Paying Attention

May 13, 2015May 13, 2015 | Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

What happens if you’re not paying attention? Good question. It may actually be more than a question…more like an actual lifestyle issue that needs attention. We may be talking about my problem with addressing and paying attention to more than one area of my life at a time.

By now, you may be asking a question of your own. What is she talking about – or trying to talk about.

Remember my health “crisis” last October? Emergency surgery, intestinal obstructions, the imminence of death. What I didn’t share was that a month later I had some out-of-whack lab results that indicated pre-diabetes.

My focus was fully on my health. I started exercising. Walking about 3 miles a day. Dropped most carbs from my diet. Only whole grains. LOTS of veggies and some fruit. Dropped almost 40 pounds. Felt fantastic!

And then…

because I felt so great, I started getting lots done around the house. I decluttered and then organized. I ripped up carpet and made plans for all the little (and big) stuff that needed to be done around here.

And then…

because the house was looking better, I had the opportunity and peace of mind to go on a creative binge. Lots of art-making.

And then…

you guessed it – somewhere along the line, I forgot (conveniently) about taking care of myself. I quit paying attention. One missed day of exercise became two. Eventually it wasn’t a habit at all. I’ll just have one slice of pizza with my salad turned into pizza with no salad at all. And so on…

And the house? Well, it only stays decluttered and organized when you actually pay attention to it every day. Otherwise, you wake up one morning and you’re right back where you started.

So, keeping in mind that I’m having an anxiety attack right here, right now…let’s establish this as a judgment free zone.

I started this blog with a promise to myself that I will always be open and honest. I may not be telling you everything, but what I am sharing is the absolute truth.

I struggle with keeping my life together and sometimes I feel like such a failure. I start to believe that I must be the only one in this same struggle.

But, I know that isn’t true. Others are seeking to find balance also.

If you struggle with not “having it all together”, here’s some encouragement for you. You are not alone. We’re in this together!

So, here’s the “before” photos…some yesterday and some this morning.